How do you know when it's time to end things? Like most complicated life choices, that depends. Let's talk about it.
Your book was the first one I read that made me feel understood. I grew up to believe divorce was never okay. This by my divorced parents, but I was better than them! After 24 years of my husband believing this was life and I never need to help, or listen or care because she won’t leave, I left. I have no statistics but I know believe more marriage end the way mine did than with a big catastrophic bang. Everything I read made me believe I had to keep trying. Tips on how to communicate better, etc. No one wants to say it’s okay to leave. You did the best you could, you aren’t a failure.
I think that women get tired of picking up the pieces. Putting the toilet seat down, loading the dishwasher, cleaning the house before HIS parents come to visit. It's overwhelming and eventually I got tired of it. I found after my divorce that my life as a single parent with a toddler was much easeir than it was when I was married. Emotionally, I didn't have to feel bad or angry because my husband did little to contribute to childcare or household chores. If he wasn't there, I didn't mind doing it. But I really resented that he expected me to do 90% of the childcare and household chores even though I made as much money as he did. My second husband was actively engaged in taking care of the house and parenting. It was a wonderful marriage. My ex tried wantd to reconcile a year after we separated and was devastated that I refused. I didn't want to be the house slave ever again.
Your words hit hard, Matthew. Divorce can indeed seem like an insurmountable crisis. As someone who's been there, I know it takes immense strength and self-understanding to rise again and prepare for a new chapter. In my own journey of self-discovery, I stumbled on this fascinating tool, LoveBoost-AI (http://dating.tiktak-studio.com), which intrigued me. It's not a solution, but a part of the process of rediscovering one's individuality. Uses Generative AI to create a great visual of oneself - a reminder, perhaps, of who we can be after the dust settles. Not directly related, but thought you might find it a curious spin on self-representation in the digital age. A small piece of a larger puzzle, y'know?
I am going through a divorce after almost 37 years of marriage. As the one who made the decision to make the change, it is very painful and difficult. I feel better yet I am grieving a relationship that has been most of my adult life. The tipping point happened and I could no longer stay. I still care for him but I have learned that love is not enough.