When I was married, my father-in-law died unexpectedly. Afterward, my marriage crumbled. So, I pointed fingers at that event and blamed my wife's reaction to it as the reason our lives went to hell.
What a valuable lesson. Some of us learned this the hard way, I know I did. All the years I puffed my chest out and "stuck to my guns" were wasted years.
I think you might know this already, but, same. I invested all of my energy in winning and being right, and very little energy in wanting her to experience love and my efforts to understand why something might be different to her than it is to me.
I love your insights. "An infinitely more useful and trust-building mindset is: When I can trust myself, and my partner can trust me to consistently notice, and pay attention to, and Consider the impact of external events and my own behavior on them, then we will have safety and trust in our relationship."
Yep. When my daughter went through a school shooting, our marriage fell apart. My eyes were opened to so many things for which I had previously blamed myself.
As father to a son in high school, that's something I've thought about more often than I'd like to. You're the first person I've encountered with a personal story like this. I'm really sorry that this happened to your daughter, to your community, to you, and to your marriage and family. Lot of invisible fragility bombs out there that we don't see coming until we're trying to pick up the pieces. Not sure the timeline on this for you guys, but I hope you're all as well as you can possibly be. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks, Matt. It will be 7 years ago on September 20, but the terror of that day is still all too easy to recall. Thankfully, a teacher was able to subdue the assailant after he had shot one student in the cafeteria where my daughter was finishing her lunch. You are spot on in your labeling the ripples that race through a family after a situation like that as fragility bombs. Even this far out in time, they are still found and tripped.
What a valuable lesson. Some of us learned this the hard way, I know I did. All the years I puffed my chest out and "stuck to my guns" were wasted years.
I think you might know this already, but, same. I invested all of my energy in winning and being right, and very little energy in wanting her to experience love and my efforts to understand why something might be different to her than it is to me.
It’s not the way.
I love your insights. "An infinitely more useful and trust-building mindset is: When I can trust myself, and my partner can trust me to consistently notice, and pay attention to, and Consider the impact of external events and my own behavior on them, then we will have safety and trust in our relationship."
Bought your book on Amazon today, thank you <3
You bought the book. ♥️
Thank you so much. It’s not shit, but I’m biased. If you dig into its pages, I hope you find something you like about it.
Seriously, thank you for your support.
Yep. When my daughter went through a school shooting, our marriage fell apart. My eyes were opened to so many things for which I had previously blamed myself.
As father to a son in high school, that's something I've thought about more often than I'd like to. You're the first person I've encountered with a personal story like this. I'm really sorry that this happened to your daughter, to your community, to you, and to your marriage and family. Lot of invisible fragility bombs out there that we don't see coming until we're trying to pick up the pieces. Not sure the timeline on this for you guys, but I hope you're all as well as you can possibly be. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks, Matt. It will be 7 years ago on September 20, but the terror of that day is still all too easy to recall. Thankfully, a teacher was able to subdue the assailant after he had shot one student in the cafeteria where my daughter was finishing her lunch. You are spot on in your labeling the ripples that race through a family after a situation like that as fragility bombs. Even this far out in time, they are still found and tripped.