This is so very important! Thank you for sharing. It’s one of my issues with my husband and can’t wait for him to read this. When I tell him how I feel about this issue he says he’s not doing it on purpose. My response is typically along the lines of “but you’re not purposely including me or putting me first. We need to live with purpose in our marriage”. In year 13 it’s easy to become complacent and it’s so hard to bounce back from that.

My hope is he’ll read this and understand my position and past even and put it into perspective.

Always enjoy your thoughts. Thanks again.

Expand full comment

Im going to send this to my partner... it will probably go unread and not absorbed, but at least Im trying to reach him

Expand full comment

Thank you for another wonderful post! I’ve brought this up to my wife for years: feeling unseen, unheard, and unimportant. I’ve described it as feeling like I’m orbiting around her unnoticed (those conversations typically didn’t go well). And you’re so right! Just asking about your day and then REALY listening and caring about the answer, instead of the question being something to check off a list and not paying attention to the answer, makes a huge difference.

My wife is an Invalidation Triple Threat-er. Just last week I was told I take things too personally over something she said, been told my memory of the event the prior night was wrong, and told twice she was ending the discussion (not literally walking out of the room though). The worst is #3 defensiveness. Not only is she immediately defensive, but she is quick to anger, raises her voice, is verbally aggressive, and dominates the conversation and won’t allow me to speak or share my thoughts and feelings. Have any suggestions?

Expand full comment