In 2020 I quit my job of serving seniors for 13 years and my youngest flew the coop. Thinking I would take some time off caring for everyone else, I would focus on my house, husband and ME. This lasted all of 13 months. Slowly, throughout that year, I realized the state of my marriage wasn’t what I thought and my husband was content in having kept me at arm’s length. I found myself without a purpose or passion and was heartbroken to realize I was no longer fully relevant in anyone’s life. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m loved but I’m no longer the 1st “go to” person for anyone anymore. This has put me in a deep depression that keeps me from getting dressed or even out of bed most days. Getting another job has proved almost impossible due to the fact that my car has needed a clutch for almost a year and hubby hasn’t made it a priority to fix. There are so many variables to my story but it comes down to actually being stripped of any and all roles or decision making ability I used to have. I have no kids to take care of. In fact I’ve had to just let them call me because I wasn’t letting them go. I have a husband that just wants to be left alone but thinks we’re fine this way. I have no one to take care of and don’t know how to take care of my own happiness. I’m 52, an extrovert, social butterfly without anything to do and only my dogs to talk to. I’m slowly dying and don’t know how to change this. The kicker? I’m a certified like coach that can’t practice because I feel like such a loser. It’s horrible.
I got divorced when my kids were 21, 17, and 15. Transitions are extremely difficult. Therapy helped during the first couple of years of shock and trauma. When my youngest went to college I had to return to therapy because of fear. Fear of being alone at night, fear of what my role was now, fear of changes in relationships. I made my way through, albeit slowly, with the help of dear friends. Allow yourself to grieve these changes--talk about them, journal them, share them. Grief is multi-layered but liveable. Lean on those whom you love and who love you. You will survive....
The Impending Empty Nest
In 2020 I quit my job of serving seniors for 13 years and my youngest flew the coop. Thinking I would take some time off caring for everyone else, I would focus on my house, husband and ME. This lasted all of 13 months. Slowly, throughout that year, I realized the state of my marriage wasn’t what I thought and my husband was content in having kept me at arm’s length. I found myself without a purpose or passion and was heartbroken to realize I was no longer fully relevant in anyone’s life. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m loved but I’m no longer the 1st “go to” person for anyone anymore. This has put me in a deep depression that keeps me from getting dressed or even out of bed most days. Getting another job has proved almost impossible due to the fact that my car has needed a clutch for almost a year and hubby hasn’t made it a priority to fix. There are so many variables to my story but it comes down to actually being stripped of any and all roles or decision making ability I used to have. I have no kids to take care of. In fact I’ve had to just let them call me because I wasn’t letting them go. I have a husband that just wants to be left alone but thinks we’re fine this way. I have no one to take care of and don’t know how to take care of my own happiness. I’m 52, an extrovert, social butterfly without anything to do and only my dogs to talk to. I’m slowly dying and don’t know how to change this. The kicker? I’m a certified like coach that can’t practice because I feel like such a loser. It’s horrible.
@matthewFray I’ve missed your writing. This article speaks to me on some many levels. Thank you for putting this feeling into words. Xx
I got divorced when my kids were 21, 17, and 15. Transitions are extremely difficult. Therapy helped during the first couple of years of shock and trauma. When my youngest went to college I had to return to therapy because of fear. Fear of being alone at night, fear of what my role was now, fear of changes in relationships. I made my way through, albeit slowly, with the help of dear friends. Allow yourself to grieve these changes--talk about them, journal them, share them. Grief is multi-layered but liveable. Lean on those whom you love and who love you. You will survive....