A major contributing factor to me finally leaving my now ex-husband was his complete disregard for Mother's Day and what I wanted Mother's Day to be for us as a family. He slept in on Mother's Day, didn't support the kids to leave out a card or flowers on the kitchen table for the morning and would get a gift that was nothing I asked for that he would give me at dinner, after the day was a complete wash, complete with the commentary that it "wasn't cheap".
Mother's Day for years was total nightmare and I now carry that to this day. The biggest disservice he gave to all of us was modelling to our 2 children that Mother's Day was a minor thing that they didn't really need to worry about and "yer mother makes a big deal out it but it isn't", which my teenagers are now recovering from. I never wanted any kind of expensive gift. What I wanted was engaged, loving family time, some appreciation of my efforts and contribution as a mom and some nice flowers in the morning to show they were thinking of me (because I am always up first). His behaviour was intentionally belittling and disrespectful and totally unnecessary. Zawn Villines nails it for me in this piece: https://zawn.substack.com/p/an-open-letter-to-disappointed-mothers
Yes! I was going to comment that Zawn describes the invisible load of parenting so well, as Matthew also has here.
He was actually the one who recommended her substack and I really respect him for reading and promoting her work. It takes a strong man to hear and validate the criticism of patriarchy that she describes.
I am one of those mothers feeling low key dread for Mother’s Day. Add Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and my birthday, If I mention anything, it’s made into my fault for having that expectation which society falsely created. How do I stop from feel disappointed?
A major contributing factor to me finally leaving my now ex-husband was his complete disregard for Mother's Day and what I wanted Mother's Day to be for us as a family. He slept in on Mother's Day, didn't support the kids to leave out a card or flowers on the kitchen table for the morning and would get a gift that was nothing I asked for that he would give me at dinner, after the day was a complete wash, complete with the commentary that it "wasn't cheap".
Mother's Day for years was total nightmare and I now carry that to this day. The biggest disservice he gave to all of us was modelling to our 2 children that Mother's Day was a minor thing that they didn't really need to worry about and "yer mother makes a big deal out it but it isn't", which my teenagers are now recovering from. I never wanted any kind of expensive gift. What I wanted was engaged, loving family time, some appreciation of my efforts and contribution as a mom and some nice flowers in the morning to show they were thinking of me (because I am always up first). His behaviour was intentionally belittling and disrespectful and totally unnecessary. Zawn Villines nails it for me in this piece: https://zawn.substack.com/p/an-open-letter-to-disappointed-mothers
Yes! I was going to comment that Zawn describes the invisible load of parenting so well, as Matthew also has here.
He was actually the one who recommended her substack and I really respect him for reading and promoting her work. It takes a strong man to hear and validate the criticism of patriarchy that she describes.
You’re right. This article is spot on. Thank you for sharing this with me!
I am one of those mothers feeling low key dread for Mother’s Day. Add Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and my birthday, If I mention anything, it’s made into my fault for having that expectation which society falsely created. How do I stop from feel disappointed?
Edna, I think Zawn Villines' blog "Liberating Motherhood" has the answers to your question. Here is her recent post about Mother's Day:
https://zawn.substack.com/p/an-open-letter-to-disappointed-mothers
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼