Hey Matt, great post. Maybe it's equally good to ignore 19 million people given the likely ratio of trolls? For what it's worth, I tend to think avoiding the attention of 19 million people at once may be the much more rational, sane choice! Anyway, there's an old, humorous self-help book you might really like - Be Glad You're Neurotic. I have a similar personality and it made me laugh (and see the upside): https://www.amazon.com/youre-neurotic-Louis-Edward-Bisch/dp/B0007G1TD4
The first time I ever read mean stuff written about me by internet strangers was back in 2016 when that whole dishes post first took off. I'm surprisingly resilient about that. If they want shitty relationships, that's their business. Enjoy herpes and loneliness, AlphaWolf6969!
Really appreciate the book recommendation, Catherine. Thank you!
The sort of "inner work" you're talking about here is something I've just realized in the last few years I haven't done enough of. It really does take courage to be completely honest with oneself, to learn from negative experiences or hard lessons, to seek to understand my motives truthfully. I think guilt and shame about my past effectively "gummed up the works" and made me hesitant to dig too deep into past trauma and understand why I am the way I am. I've gotten some professional help but need more. Additionally, I've learned fairly late in life that I may be autistic, which has also helped explain some things. I am lucky to have a partner who has spent her lifetime working on herself; it is solely our relationship that has provided the impetus for me to continue to make progress in self-knowledge and self-love. Also, your writing, including This is How Your Marriage Ends, has been extremely helpful to me. Thank you!
Hey John. Thanks for sharing that here and for checking out the book, certainly. I spend the vast majority of time thinking about the interplay between two people as a way to evaluate the health of a relationship. We probably don't spend enough time thinking about every individual doing that important self-work which is fundamental to how we show up in relationships.
As someone who isn't a clinician, I'm not really in a position to help someone with the personal work aside from rooting for them. Step 1, though, is always the awareness part. The biggest threat to relationships is what we don't know about or aren't paying attention to.
I'm really glad you've increased your self-awareness and are mindful of doing that work. Changes everything.
Maybe there is nothing wrong with you. Right now, perhaps you are prioritizing other things, and doing "TED talks" and "capitalizing on the buzz" are unimportant. And Not Particularly Fun.
I've got a couple of ideas about this "neurosis" you're describing.
1. What you describe is a very natural thing creatives like you and me feel. I've felt it, acted upon it badly and have taken bad career advice that fed into my own neurosis. This was especially true since I wanted to be a screenwriter and had some good ideas but I never felt I could execute them well enough to satisfy me.
2. Flashing forward a few years, I found a different path editing books and helping a friend of mine who is a publisher look for new talent. Long story short, I found a talented someone who had the goods and a great story to tell. That idea became a good book and was optioned as a film property that became a movie several years later (a terrible one). But that talented someone's good first book launched a new career of them, and it's something I'm very proud of.
All of this is to say, you may think you have only one book in you to write, but I'm with your editor that you have more stories and wisdom to share. Your Substack columns have certainly proved that to me. Speaking as a creative, surround yourself with people who will support you and push you. Because moving forward is the only way...
Hey Matt, great post. Maybe it's equally good to ignore 19 million people given the likely ratio of trolls? For what it's worth, I tend to think avoiding the attention of 19 million people at once may be the much more rational, sane choice! Anyway, there's an old, humorous self-help book you might really like - Be Glad You're Neurotic. I have a similar personality and it made me laugh (and see the upside): https://www.amazon.com/youre-neurotic-Louis-Edward-Bisch/dp/B0007G1TD4
The first time I ever read mean stuff written about me by internet strangers was back in 2016 when that whole dishes post first took off. I'm surprisingly resilient about that. If they want shitty relationships, that's their business. Enjoy herpes and loneliness, AlphaWolf6969!
Really appreciate the book recommendation, Catherine. Thank you!
The sort of "inner work" you're talking about here is something I've just realized in the last few years I haven't done enough of. It really does take courage to be completely honest with oneself, to learn from negative experiences or hard lessons, to seek to understand my motives truthfully. I think guilt and shame about my past effectively "gummed up the works" and made me hesitant to dig too deep into past trauma and understand why I am the way I am. I've gotten some professional help but need more. Additionally, I've learned fairly late in life that I may be autistic, which has also helped explain some things. I am lucky to have a partner who has spent her lifetime working on herself; it is solely our relationship that has provided the impetus for me to continue to make progress in self-knowledge and self-love. Also, your writing, including This is How Your Marriage Ends, has been extremely helpful to me. Thank you!
Hey John. Thanks for sharing that here and for checking out the book, certainly. I spend the vast majority of time thinking about the interplay between two people as a way to evaluate the health of a relationship. We probably don't spend enough time thinking about every individual doing that important self-work which is fundamental to how we show up in relationships.
As someone who isn't a clinician, I'm not really in a position to help someone with the personal work aside from rooting for them. Step 1, though, is always the awareness part. The biggest threat to relationships is what we don't know about or aren't paying attention to.
I'm really glad you've increased your self-awareness and are mindful of doing that work. Changes everything.
Maybe there is nothing wrong with you. Right now, perhaps you are prioritizing other things, and doing "TED talks" and "capitalizing on the buzz" are unimportant. And Not Particularly Fun.
I don't know that I believe there's something "wrong" with me in a literal sense. I'm just an ADHDer with some subpar adult habits.
Once in a while, those subpar habits intersect with my work.
There's pretty much always a way to be better tomorrow than we are today.
Hi Matthew!
I've got a couple of ideas about this "neurosis" you're describing.
1. What you describe is a very natural thing creatives like you and me feel. I've felt it, acted upon it badly and have taken bad career advice that fed into my own neurosis. This was especially true since I wanted to be a screenwriter and had some good ideas but I never felt I could execute them well enough to satisfy me.
2. Flashing forward a few years, I found a different path editing books and helping a friend of mine who is a publisher look for new talent. Long story short, I found a talented someone who had the goods and a great story to tell. That idea became a good book and was optioned as a film property that became a movie several years later (a terrible one). But that talented someone's good first book launched a new career of them, and it's something I'm very proud of.
All of this is to say, you may think you have only one book in you to write, but I'm with your editor that you have more stories and wisdom to share. Your Substack columns have certainly proved that to me. Speaking as a creative, surround yourself with people who will support you and push you. Because moving forward is the only way...
Cheers,
Wayne