I genuinely loved this. It’s so refreshing to hear these thoughts from a male perspective, I’ve been waiting for this. So glad to meet you, looking forward to reading more of your writing. Also, in one of the posts you said something about people who are in a “sort of fucky” relationship and the world needs more of this accurate reporting.
I have noticed time after time, in every discourse, conversation or any exchange of information regarding the behavior of human beings, that the mention of conditioning never is expressed. It is as if people do not understand that conditioning is the only method though which behavior is developed and demonstrated. In fact, every event, every association, every word spoken is an element of conditioning regardless of how small or seemingly insignificant it may seem. Conditioning is the only reason why human beings behave as they do regardless again of the seemingly insignificance of the event. Little boys, from the very youngest of ages, are given trucks, balls, guns and many other "masculine" toys while girls are treated with delicacy and given dolls, dollhouses, and many "feminine" toys. Girls are trained to be "girls" and boys are trained to be "boys". Boys are trained to be aggressive and competitive, and girls are trained to be submissive and cooperative. Children are imitative and a reflection of their training by their parents or caregivers. All over this planet the great majority of those who are influential are as incompetent as they could possibly be. The genetic structure has been used to explain behavior but only through the most incompetent of understandings. The biological designation of what is described here is an expression of an ignorance of the significance of conditioning and the ignorance of instilled intellectual growth of very nearly every human on this planet. The concept of Free Will is probably the most damaging concept to ever be passed down from parent to child and it is found in every culture on this planet. Human beings are being held responsible for their actions while the rest of animal life is not. It is the only "thing" that is considered free. Everything else has initiation, motivation and influence. While humans are initiated, motivated and influenced to behave as they do, they are still considered the source of their behavior and as a result, justice (same as revenge) is sought, while cooperation and compromise are not considered as important. Thus, we are stuck in the constant revenge cycle of producing behavior and punishing the same behavior. Divorce, jail, prisons, fines, and every other punishment has been the history of the human social animal for thousands of years. It is only in the last several decades that answers to the problems of this human condition have been offered. They have been rejected many times by the most incompetent of judgements.... namely legal systems and the religious systems. The answers lay in the methods of science applied to the social scheme. The principles of human behavior have been available for many years but, unfortunately for societies all over the world, they are not taken seriously.
As I was reading this, I thought, "Wow, this sounds really feminist," and BAM! You quoted Marilyn Frye! If you haven't read The Politics of Reality in its entirety, I highly recommend it, especially A Note on Anger. Frye has a way of laying things out that is really clarifying. Anyway, thank you for all of your writing and for sharing Frye's words.
Just wondering: do more women tend to genuinely like men in general and prefer their company than they do their own sex? This is the contra question that I don't think you addressed at all.
Also, this really got me instantly reflecting about the nature of my own feelings towards women in general versus women in particular. I realize I'm guilty of also not liking women in general but not in particular. But then I also happen to be someone who dreads engaging with a woman strictly for erotic purposes (I've never been in a relationship until this year and I'm in my mid thirties) but would jump at any opportunity to befriend a woman who has psychological qualities that fascinates me. What does this make me?
I think it makes you a person like everyone else. I don't think you have to conform to anyone's standards but your own, and whomever you attach yourself to for life partnership, if that's something you choose to do. (Not doing so results in inevitable pain for one or both of you and a doomed relationship.)
You asked whether this question of men not liking women should be explored in reverse. In isolation, I think so. I think there are a non-zero number of women who fundamentally dislike lots of things that are stereotypically male or masculine. I would encourage you not to pursue romantic relationships with them.
I would be inclined to challenge someone who suggested modern society (the past 2000+ years) was built on a matriarchal model.
Men have largely ruled the roost and been in positions of power for all of the human history that I've been exposed to. It's been a patriarchal model. Where men are often tribal or community or business leaders. Where dad is the head of the household, and father knows best.
And the results of that societal model are what we have today in terms of what families and communities look like on the whole. You get to decide for yourself whether you think that's good or bad.
My focus is largely on wanting to help people avoid painful breakups and divorce in their most important relationships (marriage or long-term partnership, often sharing children, pets, property, social circles, integrated family relationships, etc.) Because when they end, it can be VERY painful and disruptive for the people involved.
And I've come to believe that commonly observed disrespect and neglect of women by men (even when accidental), combined with more overt and sinister abuse of women like domestic violence and sexual assault factors heavily into the everyday relationship breakdowns I encounter in my work.
I don't think it would be accurate to say that the opposite condition--women's distaste for men on a case-by-case basis--is having a huge impact on hetero relationships. Perhaps in time, that will change. I hope people will talk about it if/when we get there.
I genuinely loved this. It’s so refreshing to hear these thoughts from a male perspective, I’ve been waiting for this. So glad to meet you, looking forward to reading more of your writing. Also, in one of the posts you said something about people who are in a “sort of fucky” relationship and the world needs more of this accurate reporting.
Thank you so much, Ally. 🙏
I have noticed time after time, in every discourse, conversation or any exchange of information regarding the behavior of human beings, that the mention of conditioning never is expressed. It is as if people do not understand that conditioning is the only method though which behavior is developed and demonstrated. In fact, every event, every association, every word spoken is an element of conditioning regardless of how small or seemingly insignificant it may seem. Conditioning is the only reason why human beings behave as they do regardless again of the seemingly insignificance of the event. Little boys, from the very youngest of ages, are given trucks, balls, guns and many other "masculine" toys while girls are treated with delicacy and given dolls, dollhouses, and many "feminine" toys. Girls are trained to be "girls" and boys are trained to be "boys". Boys are trained to be aggressive and competitive, and girls are trained to be submissive and cooperative. Children are imitative and a reflection of their training by their parents or caregivers. All over this planet the great majority of those who are influential are as incompetent as they could possibly be. The genetic structure has been used to explain behavior but only through the most incompetent of understandings. The biological designation of what is described here is an expression of an ignorance of the significance of conditioning and the ignorance of instilled intellectual growth of very nearly every human on this planet. The concept of Free Will is probably the most damaging concept to ever be passed down from parent to child and it is found in every culture on this planet. Human beings are being held responsible for their actions while the rest of animal life is not. It is the only "thing" that is considered free. Everything else has initiation, motivation and influence. While humans are initiated, motivated and influenced to behave as they do, they are still considered the source of their behavior and as a result, justice (same as revenge) is sought, while cooperation and compromise are not considered as important. Thus, we are stuck in the constant revenge cycle of producing behavior and punishing the same behavior. Divorce, jail, prisons, fines, and every other punishment has been the history of the human social animal for thousands of years. It is only in the last several decades that answers to the problems of this human condition have been offered. They have been rejected many times by the most incompetent of judgements.... namely legal systems and the religious systems. The answers lay in the methods of science applied to the social scheme. The principles of human behavior have been available for many years but, unfortunately for societies all over the world, they are not taken seriously.
As I was reading this, I thought, "Wow, this sounds really feminist," and BAM! You quoted Marilyn Frye! If you haven't read The Politics of Reality in its entirety, I highly recommend it, especially A Note on Anger. Frye has a way of laying things out that is really clarifying. Anyway, thank you for all of your writing and for sharing Frye's words.
Just wondering: do more women tend to genuinely like men in general and prefer their company than they do their own sex? This is the contra question that I don't think you addressed at all.
Also, this really got me instantly reflecting about the nature of my own feelings towards women in general versus women in particular. I realize I'm guilty of also not liking women in general but not in particular. But then I also happen to be someone who dreads engaging with a woman strictly for erotic purposes (I've never been in a relationship until this year and I'm in my mid thirties) but would jump at any opportunity to befriend a woman who has psychological qualities that fascinates me. What does this make me?
I think it makes you a person like everyone else. I don't think you have to conform to anyone's standards but your own, and whomever you attach yourself to for life partnership, if that's something you choose to do. (Not doing so results in inevitable pain for one or both of you and a doomed relationship.)
You asked whether this question of men not liking women should be explored in reverse. In isolation, I think so. I think there are a non-zero number of women who fundamentally dislike lots of things that are stereotypically male or masculine. I would encourage you not to pursue romantic relationships with them.
I would be inclined to challenge someone who suggested modern society (the past 2000+ years) was built on a matriarchal model.
Men have largely ruled the roost and been in positions of power for all of the human history that I've been exposed to. It's been a patriarchal model. Where men are often tribal or community or business leaders. Where dad is the head of the household, and father knows best.
And the results of that societal model are what we have today in terms of what families and communities look like on the whole. You get to decide for yourself whether you think that's good or bad.
My focus is largely on wanting to help people avoid painful breakups and divorce in their most important relationships (marriage or long-term partnership, often sharing children, pets, property, social circles, integrated family relationships, etc.) Because when they end, it can be VERY painful and disruptive for the people involved.
And I've come to believe that commonly observed disrespect and neglect of women by men (even when accidental), combined with more overt and sinister abuse of women like domestic violence and sexual assault factors heavily into the everyday relationship breakdowns I encounter in my work.
I don't think it would be accurate to say that the opposite condition--women's distaste for men on a case-by-case basis--is having a huge impact on hetero relationships. Perhaps in time, that will change. I hope people will talk about it if/when we get there.