Consideration is so important! And it goes both ways.
He considers how much cleanup matters to her, how hard it is for her to enjoy any play before the place is clean (to her standard). At least some of the time.
She can consider the opportunity he offers her to choose him, and their togetherness, over the cleanup. At least some of the time.
Both can practice putting the relationship over being right, or getting things their way.
I certainly second that. Everyone’s needs and preferences should be honored. Always.
I was married to someone who honored mine much more often than I honored hers, so that’s my frame of reference.
It’s unfair to point fingers at a someone and suggest they don’t meet your needs or do what you wish they would if you, yourself, aren’t being a quality relationship partner.
Which is why I work hard to not point any fingers toward my ex-wife.
Thank you kindly for your insight and suggestions Matthew. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your well thought out, anecdotal responses to our questions. Although it is typically based on your narrative and your personal experience, it is still very useful to learn which of those experiences we "share" as a collective audience. I believe your method of sharing your past and sprinkling in the wisdom you gained, translates into new & better experiences to guide us going forward. Thank you, thank you :)
Men are better off not cohabiting or marrying. A woman can falsely accuse a man of abuse, then have him evicted from his home without due process of law - even if the home is entirely in his name.
Another man I knew was arrested at his apartment because he had a loud argument with his girlfriend. When the cops came out, they ignored his request to get her to leave, and arrested him despite the fact that there was no evidence of domestic violence, and no complaint of that, either.
Men live way longer and have way better health outcomes when they are in a marriage they characterize as “good” or “happy.”
So I would make the argument that men should:
A. Work hard to develop healthy relationship skills, which many of us lack.
B. Exercise prudence and wisdom and discipline while selecting a partner.
C. Actually being a great partner for the other person in their relationship.
I’ve never met a man yet that has to deal with an awful spouse, let alone something insane like police and eviction when men accept this level of personal responsibility.
It's a bit puzzling to see the word 'work' used so much in a context of life and love. Admittedly I am old school, i.e. old! yet had similar issues when young. What I'd lacked was noticing my part, and correcting.
My part usually consisted in ignoring the needs of the other - not on purpose, I was just another entitled pretty woman.
But I wanted to be a deep, full, loving friend to my man. There were many men and the common denominator, as they say, was always me. The men were great, it was me. Decades of inner work (yes work!) and finally, maturity and consistent love with my beloved. There is too much looking at the other person these days.
The uploader of The Happy Wife School on Youtube made the same realizations that you did. (I commend you for doing that, too).
She describes how she fixed her own unhappiness, rather than blame her husband for it. She encourages other women to do likewise. Lots of men follow her channel, too.
Agree. If one is to do therapy, find someone who aids the client develop emotional responsibility first and foremost. Someone who has heard of Byron Katie, for example!
Wow - thanks, Frank - I will look for that happy school.
..."fixed her own unhappiness rather than blame her husband..." what a concept, eh? I took it to another level with my NDP man (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). I love to turn the status-quo on its head, especially when it comes to healing and consciousness.
Just because you haven't met them, doesn't mean they don't exist. I make it a point to ALWAYS go to a woman's place, and NEVER have her at my place. At the first sign of anger and raised voices, I can grab my coat and leave. Not so easy to get her to leave my place, as my coworker that was arrested for a loud argument learned the hard way.
Have you heard about the Jeff Younger case? She brainwashed their son into believing he was really a girl, starting at age 3. Texas law prohibits chemical/physical castration of minors, so she simply took the boy and moved to California, where a Marxist/feminist judge gave her the green light to castrate the boy, and denied Jeff ANY custody or visitation of the boy. I should mention that the mother that wants to castrate her son is a pediatrician.
If you’re a great partner AND you have great relationships skills AND you were disciplined and wise in partner selection, you want me to believe she might freak out and call the cops and fuck you over?
I mean, logically you’re right. Things can exist outside of my awareness.
But this is VERY hard to believe.
Amazing dudes just getting duped left and right by women who pretended to be high character just long enough to get married, and then off goes the mask, they’re abusive and manipulative and out to get him!!!
I submit that shitty partner selection was part of that recipe.
We shouldn’t date or marry people who don’t share our values or the character we expect of someone we want to share a life with. 🤷🏻♂️
There are also articles about this on the mainstream media, but they seize the opportunity to bash Republicans for being against transitioning children.
As for vetting women: I think men need to vet women to see if there is any trace of feminism, that would justify the actions of Jeff Younger’s ex. That will take a great deal of skill, as feminists don’t want to scare off men they are interested in early on, and therefore try to keep it hidden.
Perhaps a question a man could ask on a coffee date is, “how do you feel about the fact that only men are required to register for the military draft?” Actually that is too obvious - more subtle questions should be asked.
Consideration is so important! And it goes both ways.
He considers how much cleanup matters to her, how hard it is for her to enjoy any play before the place is clean (to her standard). At least some of the time.
She can consider the opportunity he offers her to choose him, and their togetherness, over the cleanup. At least some of the time.
Both can practice putting the relationship over being right, or getting things their way.
I certainly second that. Everyone’s needs and preferences should be honored. Always.
I was married to someone who honored mine much more often than I honored hers, so that’s my frame of reference.
It’s unfair to point fingers at a someone and suggest they don’t meet your needs or do what you wish they would if you, yourself, aren’t being a quality relationship partner.
Which is why I work hard to not point any fingers toward my ex-wife.
Thank you kindly for your insight and suggestions Matthew. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your well thought out, anecdotal responses to our questions. Although it is typically based on your narrative and your personal experience, it is still very useful to learn which of those experiences we "share" as a collective audience. I believe your method of sharing your past and sprinkling in the wisdom you gained, translates into new & better experiences to guide us going forward. Thank you, thank you :)
Men are better off not cohabiting or marrying. A woman can falsely accuse a man of abuse, then have him evicted from his home without due process of law - even if the home is entirely in his name.
Another man I knew was arrested at his apartment because he had a loud argument with his girlfriend. When the cops came out, they ignored his request to get her to leave, and arrested him despite the fact that there was no evidence of domestic violence, and no complaint of that, either.
Men live way longer and have way better health outcomes when they are in a marriage they characterize as “good” or “happy.”
So I would make the argument that men should:
A. Work hard to develop healthy relationship skills, which many of us lack.
B. Exercise prudence and wisdom and discipline while selecting a partner.
C. Actually being a great partner for the other person in their relationship.
I’ve never met a man yet that has to deal with an awful spouse, let alone something insane like police and eviction when men accept this level of personal responsibility.
It's a bit puzzling to see the word 'work' used so much in a context of life and love. Admittedly I am old school, i.e. old! yet had similar issues when young. What I'd lacked was noticing my part, and correcting.
My part usually consisted in ignoring the needs of the other - not on purpose, I was just another entitled pretty woman.
But I wanted to be a deep, full, loving friend to my man. There were many men and the common denominator, as they say, was always me. The men were great, it was me. Decades of inner work (yes work!) and finally, maturity and consistent love with my beloved. There is too much looking at the other person these days.
Thank you, Matthew!
The uploader of The Happy Wife School on Youtube made the same realizations that you did. (I commend you for doing that, too).
She describes how she fixed her own unhappiness, rather than blame her husband for it. She encourages other women to do likewise. Lots of men follow her channel, too.
What a concept, huh? Imagine if therapists focused on this as a primary goal.
Agree. If one is to do therapy, find someone who aids the client develop emotional responsibility first and foremost. Someone who has heard of Byron Katie, for example!
Wow - thanks, Frank - I will look for that happy school.
..."fixed her own unhappiness rather than blame her husband..." what a concept, eh? I took it to another level with my NDP man (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). I love to turn the status-quo on its head, especially when it comes to healing and consciousness.
Just because you haven't met them, doesn't mean they don't exist. I make it a point to ALWAYS go to a woman's place, and NEVER have her at my place. At the first sign of anger and raised voices, I can grab my coat and leave. Not so easy to get her to leave my place, as my coworker that was arrested for a loud argument learned the hard way.
Have you heard about the Jeff Younger case? She brainwashed their son into believing he was really a girl, starting at age 3. Texas law prohibits chemical/physical castration of minors, so she simply took the boy and moved to California, where a Marxist/feminist judge gave her the green light to castrate the boy, and denied Jeff ANY custody or visitation of the boy. I should mention that the mother that wants to castrate her son is a pediatrician.
Frank.
If you’re a great partner AND you have great relationships skills AND you were disciplined and wise in partner selection, you want me to believe she might freak out and call the cops and fuck you over?
I mean, logically you’re right. Things can exist outside of my awareness.
But this is VERY hard to believe.
Amazing dudes just getting duped left and right by women who pretended to be high character just long enough to get married, and then off goes the mask, they’re abusive and manipulative and out to get him!!!
I submit that shitty partner selection was part of that recipe.
We shouldn’t date or marry people who don’t share our values or the character we expect of someone we want to share a life with. 🤷🏻♂️
Matthew,
Sadly, that happens all the time. The Jeff Younger story is so outrageous, that it is hard to believe - until you see the evidence
Here is a video interview with Jeff Younger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mwz0LFe62I
There are also articles about this on the mainstream media, but they seize the opportunity to bash Republicans for being against transitioning children.
Here is Wikipedia’s article on the subject.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Younger%E2%80%93Anne_Georgulas_custody_battle
As for vetting women: I think men need to vet women to see if there is any trace of feminism, that would justify the actions of Jeff Younger’s ex. That will take a great deal of skill, as feminists don’t want to scare off men they are interested in early on, and therefore try to keep it hidden.
Perhaps a question a man could ask on a coffee date is, “how do you feel about the fact that only men are required to register for the military draft?” Actually that is too obvious - more subtle questions should be asked.