So agree with how this "no one did anything wrong" scenario is framed so that it is still valid for feelings of harm to happen anyway. Agree also with other posters who point out looking outside the nuclear family can be a solution. We often want our partner to *be* our solution, but what would it look like if we could count on our partner to *be our partner in figuring out* our solution? The partner could have taken an active role in brainstorming a care support solution -- and friend, a family member, a trip to the store to stock up on chicken noodle soup before leaving, if there are kids take them with to the funeral so she can recover in peace -- that would have addressed the root issue, which is making sure to prioritize providing and expressing care, so that the other person has a lens other than abandonment through which to view the situation.
This story illustrates to me the issues with the nuclear family and how we need to have wider support networks. Friends are so important and can alleviate some of the pressure on a relationship.
In my case, I have good friends who could/would check on me and help if needed.
Isolation does not help relationships flourish. But also, feelings aren’t facts. And our spouse is often the one we count on in a crisis.
As you say, both things can be true. Everything is more complex than we often see.
True and so sad. If they had the skills to talk about it before the event, they could have found the gs beyond go / stay.
Perhaps a discussion about how his trip serves their relationship in the long term, and finding ways to address the short term cost, like someone else staying with the wife until husband comes home.
Then there will be less trust and security in your relationship?
There are a finite number of times our behavior can result in trust erosion for another person, and still get to have the relationship available to us.
It’s up to us to decide how much we care. I hope people will choose to.
So agree with how this "no one did anything wrong" scenario is framed so that it is still valid for feelings of harm to happen anyway. Agree also with other posters who point out looking outside the nuclear family can be a solution. We often want our partner to *be* our solution, but what would it look like if we could count on our partner to *be our partner in figuring out* our solution? The partner could have taken an active role in brainstorming a care support solution -- and friend, a family member, a trip to the store to stock up on chicken noodle soup before leaving, if there are kids take them with to the funeral so she can recover in peace -- that would have addressed the root issue, which is making sure to prioritize providing and expressing care, so that the other person has a lens other than abandonment through which to view the situation.
This story illustrates to me the issues with the nuclear family and how we need to have wider support networks. Friends are so important and can alleviate some of the pressure on a relationship.
In my case, I have good friends who could/would check on me and help if needed.
Isolation does not help relationships flourish. But also, feelings aren’t facts. And our spouse is often the one we count on in a crisis.
As you say, both things can be true. Everything is more complex than we often see.
True and so sad. If they had the skills to talk about it before the event, they could have found the gs beyond go / stay.
Perhaps a discussion about how his trip serves their relationship in the long term, and finding ways to address the short term cost, like someone else staying with the wife until husband comes home.
Sure, but if we DON'T "apologize and demonstrate care by feeling and saying I’m so sorry that what I did resulted in that outcome for you" ?
Then there will be less trust and security in your relationship?
There are a finite number of times our behavior can result in trust erosion for another person, and still get to have the relationship available to us.
It’s up to us to decide how much we care. I hope people will choose to.