Relationship Coaching and Divorce Support
Coaching is not the same as counseling or therapy. There are many great counselors and therapists, and I am not one of them.
Coaching is not the act of analyzing problems and offering solutions, though we will no doubt analyze problems and—collaboratively—discover new ways of doing things and new possibilities that can improve ourselves and our relationships.
Coaching is about support, encouragement and companionship. A method of discovering more about yourself, your relationships, and your relationship patterns (which I like to think of as our habits, and we CAN change our habits).
A coach is a resource. A support system. A trusted confidant. A friend.
Tomorrow can be better than today. That happens by choice. Having the support of others can help us make good choices. And that’s what coaches provide—support, motivation and encouragement.
If you want, that’s what I’ll provide you.
Marriage and Long-Term Relationship Coaching
Who it’s for
People struggling to connect with, understand, or communicate effectively with their partners. We feel the distance growing between us and the people we love. We feel the wheels coming off, and it sometimes feels as if the harder we try to make things better, our plans and conversations backfire, and everything seems to get worse. Everything makes sense in our own minds, but when we try to express it to our partners, it seems like they’re not hearing us. Like we’re speaking two different languages. When you work with me as your coach, we get intentional about mindset, about habits, about personality types, about deciphering the words and actions of our spouse/romantic partners, about empathy, and about finding new ways to communicate effectively and reduce instances of conflict within our homes and relationships.
What you get
You and me, working together to find improvement opportunities, if not solutions, to your life’s most painful and frustrating relationship problems.
With luck, you will learn new things about yourself and about your spouse/romantic partner, develop more clarity about what she or he is asking for during your frustrating conversations and arguments, and emerge stronger and confident that you can navigate your relationship more effectively moving forward.
You dictate your schedule. We will meet as often or as little as your schedule and competing life and work needs allow.
How it works
You will decide whether you would prefer to talk by phone or by video conference (which would take place on the Zoom platform. You can create a free Zoom account here.)
I accept Stripe payments (payment will be requested while booking).
What to do next
This will generate an automated email confirmation along with a questionnaire.
Please fill out the questionnaire and submit it ahead of our first meeting.
In the introductory on-boarding call we will collaboratively discuss whether my coaching support is really something you want, and whether it’s something that can truly provide value for you in a potentially difficult time. The purpose of the questionnaire is for you to explain your personal story in your own words, and to share with me what you hope to achieve from a coaching relationship.
“If I can be honest, I didn’t know what to expect from our initial call, and because I’m kind of an elitist asshole, there was a part of me that was skeptical. But I felt so much better after we spoke. You’re great at empathizing. It’s important. But where you stepped up was when you checked in. And you were prepared for calls. And you had a game plan. And you asked questions—GOOD ones.
“My takeaway from the time we’ve worked together is that you know way more than you give yourself credit for. Because it’s not just about the health of the relationship. It’s about the health of the individuals who are in it too. You’re a pleasure to talk to. You’re humble and you’re human. You’re super-relatable. That’s something that was not marketed to me. That’s not something you were trying to sell. But it’s what I got, and it’s damn valuable.” – Kym P., United States
“We were on the verge of divorce, both of us, her threatening divorce and me thinking it might be the best way out. I told myself that if she wouldn’t change, I would let her go, leave and abandon the best thing that had ever happened to me. She read about Matt in the NY Times and said I had to go to him for three sessions or she would file for divorce, so I read his website, thought about what he’d written, and scheduled three telephone sessions.
“It took me maybe a week to understand what this person I’d lived with for so many years was experiencing, my wife, whom I thought I knew so well. I learned how she felt, how hurt she was by little things that I didn’t even consider important. I started to make small changes, because I didn’t want to hurt her, things that were for me even trivial but for her important, and I learned to honor those little differences. It was an easy change for me, and she changed with it, I would not have to leave her, a lifelong benefit for just minor cost. We became friends again. And I stayed with her, and she with me.” – Robert P., United States
Divorce and Divorce Recovery Support
There is very little difference between what we do here, and what we do in an active relationship, from a coaching perspective.
The primary difference is mindset. We are reflecting on where our relationships went awry and preparing ourselves for future relationships in which we will avoid many of the pitfalls from our previous ones.
This is largely about healing, eliminating blind spots and developing confidence around our relationship habits. We emerge knowing we won’t have to fear future relationship conflict or fallouts for the same reasons as before. That alone can be life-altering in the best way.
The signup process is exactly the same as above.
“I’ve had the honour of talking with Matthew for just over a month. I began our conversations broken, post-divorce, and completely unable to make sense of the pieces of life shattered around me. Matthew poses questions that cut straight to the heart of matters, which is already evident in his blog articles. Incredibly sensitive, but honest beyond fault, Matthew has helped me to navigate my way out of a darkness I wasn’t sure I could survive. Thanks to Matt, I now carry with me two weapons of incredible wisdom: First, breathe. And second, we can do hard things.” – Kirsty C., South Africa